How to Ask Someone to Mentor You

Once you’ve thought through your choice, you’re ready to ask someone to mentor you. Here’s how to do it.

In your email:

Schedule an initial conversation. Ask your potential mentor if he or she can make time for an hour meeting with you. You don’t want to be rushed, and you want plenty of time for the other person to ask you questions about your goals, etc.

Clearly describe the guidance you’re seeking (The Ask). This is where that preliminary brainstorming on your part will help you articulate just what you have in mind. Describe what advice or guidance you are seeking and for what purpose. Is it to help you navigate your current department politics or are you seeking to apply to a different position? Are you thinking about going back to school and are not sure what area of study to focus on? Think about this and articulate up front what you are seeking.

Confirm your willingness to do the necessary work and follow-through. There’s nothing more frustrating than mentoring someone who doesn’t do the work necessary to take advantage of advice, so you want to make it clear to your potential mentor that you’re ready to commit the time, energy and effort to make the most of their counsel (and time).

Acknowledge and respect the individual’s time. Most people who are asked to become mentors are highly successful in their careers, which means they’re also very busy and much in demand. So it’s important for you to acknowledge that reality, and make it clear how much you appreciate their considering your request. This is also the way to provide a graceful “out,” letting the other person cite an overbooked schedule for declining your request.

Example of writing to a known contact (someone you already know and/or have interacted with):

Dear Susan,

I have very much enjoyed and learned from the conversations we have had in the past, and I would like to ask a favor of you based on my respect for the way you have developed your career. I am at the point in my own career where I feel I need some mentoring to more effectively develop my management skills so that I can prepare to move into a leadership role.

I was hoping that we could meet for coffee to discuss my current needs and see if this is something you are interested in and available for. 

In this mentoring relationship, I am proposing to meet with you for about 60 minutes once a month to discuss your counsel regarding areas I should address. I would put together a meeting agenda for each get-together, make a list of any follow-up items that come out of our discussions, complete the action items during the next month, and report back on my progress.

I know that your schedule is an exceptionally busy one, so if it simply isn’t possible to work this type of commitment into your other activities, I certainly understand. In that case, thank you for considering this request, and I will simply look forward to our future conversations!

Best regards,

If you’re reaching out to someone with whom you have no connection, go for an introduction along with any commonalities, specific interests or discussion points. Try to make a quick connection to hopefully pique his or her curiosity and spark interest in meeting with you. We advise you to ask to meet them for coffee or a brief meeting in their office first so you can both get to know each other. Aim for 30 minutes for your initial meeting.

Do not ask someone to be your mentor in your introductory email or in your first meeting. Like all relationships, building trust and rapport takes time. You may need to meet a few times and get to know them, learn about their current career and goals before asking them to be your mentor.

Example of writing to an unknown contact (a referral, someone you have not spoken with or written to in the past):

Dear Susan,

My name is Jane Doe and I currently work for Yale University in the Development department. I’m new to this field, and have great respect for the work you have done, particularly in grassroots fundraising. I would like to hear your career story and ask a few questions about your career path. Could I ask for 30 minutes of your time over coffee or lunch to meet?

I understand you are very busy and if 30 minutes is not possible perhaps a 15 minute phone conversation is more manageable.

Please let me know a date and time that works best with your schedule.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to speaking soon,

Jane

Note: If you don’t hear from them, follow-up, but don’t hound him or her. Check in two to three weeks after your initial contact, but after that, you need to assume he or she doesn’t have the time to meet you right now. It is time to focus on the other two or more on your list of potential mentors. Try to maintain a relationship (even if it’s one way) by sending notes or articles that may interest him or her once every six months just to check-in.