Helpful feedback changes outcomes

    “How am I doing?”
    This is the question at some point in our careers that we all want to ask our boss, our peers, and our direct reports. If we ask, we may not get feedback that is relevant, actionable, or, more to the point, helpful.

    What is helpful feedback?
    Focusing people on their shortcomings or gaps doesn’t help. In fact, it impairs learning by triggering the fight or flight response. The cognitive, emotional, and perceptual parts of the brain where learning occurs are not engaged when under threat because the brain narrows its activity to focus on survival. Our brains respond to critical feedback as a threat.

    Helpful feedback is, well, helpful. That is, helpful feedback helps us thrive and excel. “We excel only when people who know us and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel, and in particular when they see something within us that really works.”*

    Language to help you focus on strengths, owning your experience of another’s work:

    INSTEAD OF TRY
    Can I give you some feedback? Here’s my reaction.
    Good job!

     

    		 Here are three things that really worked for me. What was going through your mind when you did them?
    Here’s what you should do. Here’s what I would do.
    Here’s where you need to improve. Here’s what worked best for me, and here’s why.
    That didn’t really work. When you did x, I felt y, or I didn’t get that.
    You need to improve your communication skills. Here’s exactly where you started to lose me.
    You need to be more responsive. When I don’t hear from you, I worry that we’re not on the same page.
    You lack strategic thinking. I’m struggling to understand your plan.
    You should do x [in response to a request for advice]. What do you feel you’re struggling with, and what have you done in the past that’s worked in a similar situation?

    *The Feedback Fallacy—find more research-based insights on feedback.